


Foolsstuck

by tordenofitami



Category: Homestuck, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-20 07:00:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20223718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tordenofitami/pseuds/tordenofitami





	1. Gabriel: Pester Ben

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ArietteEpsilon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArietteEpsilon/gifts), [Meganeduck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meganeduck/gifts).

[11:42 AM] nebulousEnmity has begun pestering spandexWildebeest  
  
NE: you fucked with me, right?

SW: explain?

NE: this is an elaborate prank

NE: right?

SW: for once in my life

SW: i have absolutely no idea what went wrong with you

SW: what is happening here

NE: I got a parcel this morning

SW: we're americans you can say package

NE: and inside was a disc

SW: disk

NE: that was just labeled "Sburb 4.0"

SW: oh hold on one sec my doorbell rang

SW: brb

NE: BEN

SW: yeah so

SW: I just got that parcel

SW: I think we're fucked

NE: ben.  
  
NE: don’t fuck with my head.

NE: I like earth

SW: yeah it’s growing on me as well

NE: i’m in a particularly gullible mood

NE: do not fuck with me on this one

NE: I had a relatively disturbing morning

NE: we ran out of milk

NE: Quinn woke me up in a very liquid-y manner

NE: my heart can only take so much

SW: if you don’t believe me, look in the discord server

NE: you got others in on this?

SW: no, others got in on this themselves

NE: sigh

NE: I don’t want to be fucked with here

NE: so if you’re going to get away with this

NE: you better have some kickass special effects

[12:09 PM] nebulousEnmity has ceased pestering spandexWildebeest


	2. Be Gabriel

Your name is GABRIEL and you have just finished scolding your BEST FRIEND OF THIRTEEN YEARS on suspicions of SHENANIGANERY. You were in the process of putting your LUNCH in the TOASTER when you heard the doorbell ring. Being a FILTHY HOMESTUCK, your concerns were immediate upon seeing the words SBURB and the most likely perpetrator fairly obvious. However, in all of your years BEN has never been capable of instilling EXISTENTIAL FEAR at the level you are currently experiencing. It certainly doesn’t help that although it took you FOURTEEN SECONDS to answer the door, the mailman had already seemed to have descended your FORTY-TWO STAIRS and driven away. However, being a MAN OF SCIENCE, you have to kind of believe it for a second. Your MORTAL TERROR is interrupted by more messages coming in on your PHONE.


	3. Gabriel: Answer Megs

[12:12 PM] sarcasticSweetness has begun pestering nebulousEnmity

SS: So Ben says you got the game in the mail too  
NE: not you too.  
SS: What  
NE: megs, when I get fucked with by ben, it’s one thing  
NE: but you’re trustworthier  
NE: trustworthier?  
NE: 90% sure that’s not a word, but I can’t really back down now  
SS: Gabe cmon  
SS: The trending pages on youtube, twitter, facebook, all have all kinds of reports on meteor strikes  
SS: If Ben is responsible for a prank on a scale like that well  
NE: well?  
SS: Well we should humor him I guess?  
NE: our whole community partakes in plenty of humoring him  
NE: don’t you think?  
SS: Maybe?  
SS: I don’t know, either we need to save our asses or we need to congratulate Ben for getting footage of meteor strikes on CNN.  
NE: I wouldn’t put it past him to befriend Anderson Cooper for the sheer sake of fucking with me.  
SS: Like I said, that would be really impressive!  
NE: impressive has to be redefined when it comes to ben

[12:18 PM] nebulousEnmity has ceased pestering sarcasticSweetness

You sigh. This is only the beginning. If Ben can get Megs to believe, he can get many more to, especially you.


	4. Gabriel: Pester Blue

[12:20 PM] nebulousEnmity has begun pestering whimsicalNadir

NE: don’t listen to Ben  
WN: I obviously would never  
WN: Me?  
WN: Trust him?  
WN: I’ve never been vulnerable around that man  
WN: We have always remained outside each others  
WN: Circles of trust  
WN: Outlandish  
WN: The  
WN: The Lotion  
WN: *Notion  
NE: stop talking about lotion this is serious  
WN: Okay lol  
NE: ben has been going around making some  
NE: claims  
NE: have you checked your mail?  
WN: No  
WN: Why  
WN: Is there something in there?  
NE: probably  
NE: if there isn’t I’d be a little shocked  
WN: Headed there now  
NE: wait.  
WN: What?  
NE: he’s convincing people that Sburb is happening  
WN: Awww shit  
WN: But maybe it is though  
NE: blue please.  
NE: don’t leave me alone in this  
NE: you’re the only other person who stands a chance of stopping him  
WN: I don’t know why you think I feel capable of stopping this man  
NE: blue  
NE: I’m begging you.  
NE: actually give me a sec  
NE: don’t go into your mail please  
NE: I need to  
NE: strategize  
WN: Okay  
WN: I won’t.

[12:26 PM] nebulousEnmity has ceased pestering whimsicalNadir


	5. Gabriel: Look outside, just in case

It's the typical Montclair skyline, houses, hills, forest fires, the occasional truck. Wait. Forest fires?

[12:29 PM] eloquentlyStartled has begun pestering nebulousEnmity

ES: FUCK FUCK FUCK  
NE: oh  
NE: you as well?  
ES: There’s a fucking fire in the fucking neighborhood and I’m fucking scared.  
NE: I was admiring that just now actually  
ES: Please  
ES: Am experiencing fear  
NE: I’d tell you to evacuate but there’s this crazy and persistent thought that Ben planted in my brain  
ES: This is valid but possibly the death of me  
ES: However  
ES: Being a certified fool  
ES: I will hear you out  
NE: have you checked your mail  
ES: It is mostly catalogues and menus to local dining establishments  
ES: Wait there’s a parcel underneath  
NE: there’s nothing wrong with saying parcel  
ES: Why would there be  
NE: exactly  
ES: Powerful  
ES: I am very confused  
NE: okay so  
NE: according to Ben  
NE: that’s Sburb in there  
ES: Terrifying  
ES: Incorrect  
ES: But terrifying  
ES: Wait no there’s definitely a disc for Sburb in there  
ES: I would call this an elaborate prank but I literally just witnessed a house get fucking crushed by a meteor and my body is coated in danger tears  
NE: and you’re positive this can’t be explained by something far more relaxing  
NE: like a faulty gas pipe  
NE: or domestic terrorism  
ES: It is neither of those things that would be very likely if not for the circumstances  
ES: Please protect me  
ES: I am very nervous  
NE: I’m sorry you’re nervous Kai.  
NE: I’m sorry you’re so alone in that emotion.  
ES: I most likely deserve this  
ES: Also the fire is spreading and you are no help  
NE: sigh  
NE: should you  
NE: you know  
NE: get help

[12:46 PM] eloquentlyStartled has ceased pestering nebulousEnmity


	6. Be Kai

Your name is KAI and your body is drenched in PANIC. In your normally chilly and DEER-INFESTED mountain neighborhood it has now become hot as H-E-DOUBLE HOCK-IT-EY STICKS. You have a very powerful collection of SPICY MEMES but unfortunately the only SPICE you can think of is the CINNAMON TOAST FEAR crunching through your bones. No amount of milk can UNSPICE the SCREAMING coming from both your quickly vibrating NOGGIN and your RAT BASTARD BOY SPOCK who is whining and cavorting like a maniac on the hardwood floor. Your lungs are beginning to be ASSAULTED BY THE BAD SMOKE MAN and you are managing to stay COOL and UNSUFFOCATED using a DISHTOWEL SOAKED IN YOUR OWN SWEAT.


	7. Be another flesh monkey, be any other flesh monkey

Your name is MEGS and you’re beginning to have some CONCERNS about the bulk of the recent conversations you’ve had. You sit amongst your BIRDS having just been killed in TOWN OF SALEM by an overzealous VIGILANTE who did not believe you were playing as the MEDIUM. It is an UNCOMFORTABLY HUMID DAY and you have SEVERAL UNOPENED NOTIFICATIONS that are beginning to annoy you. A small physical photo of L FROM DEATH NOTE has been sent to you from an UNKNOWN SOURCE. However, this mysterious package is overshadowed by the arrival of SBURB 4.0, but as you open the case you discover that one of the DISCS is missing. You only have the SERVER EDITION.


	8. Megs: Answer Jack

[03:20 PM] nihilisticWeeaboo has begun pestering sarcasticSweetness

NW: megsss  
NW: i am concerned  
SS: Yeah?  
SS: Is it cause of  
SS: The reasons I think  
NW: well i do not know those reasons but probably  
NW: the game people have been talking about  
SS: Yep that’s the one  
NW: i know this is something i say a lot but what is the perpose of it all  
SS: Why not ask Ben or Gabe  
NW: megs i do not want to be afraid and I know you do not want me to be afraid either  
SS: It teleports you into like this alternate world?  
SS: It’s pretty hard to describe  
NW: you know what fuck it  
NW: i am in  
SS: I don’t think you have a choice bud  
NW: what do you mean  
SS: Hmm nvm  
NW: like because ben always pressures people to partisipate in shit he arranges?  
SS: I mean that too  
NW: whatever his ideas usually turn out fun as long as he is not sexualising me which i appreciate on some levels but it is still not ideal  
NW: i will start it up now  
SS: Oh you need two people  
SS: I would sit tight honestly  
SS: I’m guessing Ben has some plans with that  
NW: alrighty  
NW: i am still concerned but no one ever seems to want to do anything about it  
SS: Buddy  
NW: i am mostly kidding  
NW: and i am fucking ready when you are

[03:24 PM] nihilisticWeeaboo has ceased pestering sarcasticSweetness

Poor guy. It doesn't change the fact, however, that you have no goddamn clue where your disc is, and you really feel like that's something you should care about.


	9. Tell Ben what happened

Is that necessary?


	10. Yes.

[03:25 PM] sarcasticSweetness has begun pestering spandexWIldebeest

SS: Hey so  
SS: I just heard from Jack  
SW: yeah?  
SW: he’s been ignoring my messages all day  
SW: is he alright  
SS: Well I don’t know if he’s alright but he does want to play Sburb?  
SS: I think he’s hoping I’ll bring him into the game  
SW: oh no  
SW: bringing a person who hasn’t read the comic in first seems  
SW: iffy  
SS: Yeah that’s fair  
SW: so i’ll just get you in  
SW: you can fire up the client copy of sburb  
SW: we can just sort of  
SW: take that plunge  
SS: Yeah so about that  
SW: what are you saying to me  
SS: I think you know  
SW:   
SW: could you give me a sec

[03:31 PM] spandexWildebeest has ceased pestering sarcasticSweetness


	11. Megs: Search for the other disc

You pull out all of the PACKING PEANUTS in hopes that the disc fell out into the package. You gingerly scold a PRECIOUS DOGGO who wishes to snack on said PEANUTS. No Sammy. This isn't the same kind of peanuts as peanut butter. This is the bad stuff. Please do not consume the badd stuff. Because of ADHD, you have to question if you somehow already received the first disc and don't remember. You don't think that's possible though.


	12. Megs: Admire L Lawliet Figure On Your Desk

What a precious baby genius.

May we never hold phones the same again.


End file.
